Emma's first year contains too many memories and events to be listed or expanded upon here so I'll focus on the main themes to paint the overall picture.
Theme 1: Eating
Emma K. loves to eat and has from the moment she was born. (Or rather, the moment they stopped fiddling with her long enough to allow her a quiet nursing time.) Once my milk came in she started gaining weight like a champ! She did actually lose some weight those first 5 days. The breastfeeding Nazis of the hospital made me cry when I told them Emma ate formula a few times during that period. Apparently even though my baby girl weighed less than when she was born and was screaming from hunger and essentially starving, we should not have given her formula. It still makes my blood boil when I think about it.
During the day (as long as there was no discomfort :)) I loved nursing Emma. When she was a newborn her head fit just right in the palm of my hand. Aw (sigh). Sometime during the first few months I made up a short sing-songy rhyme that I would repeat to her over and over again while she ate. E is for Emma, M, M, A. Her middle name is Katherine, begins with a K. Mama's little angel, Daddy's little girl. She stole both our hearts when she came into the world.
Nursing was hard for me at night when all I wanted to do was sleep (and when she would fall asleep before finishing and would not wake up no matter what I did until 20 minutes after laying her down!). I needed a distraction! I practiced writing with my left hand in a journal I kept by the chair. I think I got fairly good except that although it kept me busy my mind was still focused on sleeping (or the tugging on my chest). "I wish I were sleeping" or "I wish Steve could nurse her" were common lines scratched on the paper. I also tried watching Friends episodes on the portable DVD player. That was much more successful. I did feel a tiny bit guilty for not gazing lovingly into my daughter's eyes for the duration of each feeding time, but on the other hand the positive, laugh-filled noises issuing forth from my lips had to be better than the teeth grinding, pen scratching, negative thoughts of the Friends-less days.
I nursed Emma until she was around 10 months old. It was a sort of mutual weaning process after that point. (I do not think that she was getting enough milk to sustain her voracious appetite.) She sucked down formula as if she had never had anything else, and once she reached one year old she took to vitamin D milk in the same way. Cereal and solids were also a huge success. She gobbled down fruits and veggies and only had a fickle taste regarding green beans. We made our own baby food (for the most part) so I can understand why the gritty, watery beans were not a favorite. Food processors can only do so much! People were always surprised to see her opening her mouth for the next spoonful; she hardly ever needed coaxing. G-Bugga(her paternal great grandmother) was especially amazed (see photo above). By far, her favorite veggies were squash and sweet potato. These days (around 16 months old) she pretty much eats anything, except sometimes eggs and meats. Her favorites foods include cheese, blueberries, peas and sweet potatoes. She is a veggie and fruit lover for sure!
When she turned one we headed to California for a wedding and to celebrate her birthday with our families. It turns out she loves cupcakes, cake and ice cream cake, too. There were 3 parties for her plus lots of leftovers! :) And when we got back to Wisconsin we got together with Emma's godmother and her family and Great Grandma R for a joint birthday celebration for Emma and Madison. More cake and ice cream! Yummy.
Theme 2: Sleeping
We had a lot of help in this department from Dr. Marc Weissbluth, author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. We refer to it as The Book. We also had a lot of help from our visiting relatives and families. Thanks to them I was able to nap during the day (and not worry about laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.). Those were the days!
For the first few months Emma slept in our bed or in the bassinet in our room at night (see photo above) to make nursing easier. Nursing was easier, but sleeping for us was not so good. We heard every noise and movement, and when she was in our bed there was the fear of rolling over her. Yikes! So when the time came for the much anticipated "sleeping through the night" phase, we moved her to the crib in her room. Now, of course, we still were not sleeping well. Rather, I was not sleeping well. My mommy ears were super sensitive to her every move/whine/whimper/sucking sound. Oh, and we had the monitor plugged in next to the bed. :) At some point I realized that the monitor only amplified (to an annoying decibel even on the lowest setting) the sounds that my keen ears were going to hear anyway. It was a breakthrough day when I unplugged it from the wall (after reading in The Book that this is a perfectly fine thing to do) and took a breath of the "ah ha!" air. I was eventually able to only hear the urgent noises and so slept better than before.
The best part of when she was really little was having her sleep in our arms. We could carry her around the house and she would snooze away. Of course, our arms got more and more tired the heavier she got but it was a small price to pay. I remember on some very early mornings when we would nap together on the couch, Emma tucked safely in the crook of my arm which rested on the pillow. I loved those moments!
Once Emma started sleeping through the night she was a good sleeper. :) The reality is really that she had her ups and downs along the road. When she started sleeping through the night she also napped three times a day until around 6 months. I know! I was so lucky! Then somewhere around there we had to consult The Book because her sleeping habits were falling apart. Once I began a regimented nap schedule (two times per day) she was back on track! Then after our California trip I had to crack The Book again to figure out how to get her one afternoon nap to actually be in the afternoon. (She was napping only in the morning, which is backwards apparently.) For now she is napping once a day right after eating lunch and sleeping from 1.5 to 3 hours. It is great!
There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Theme 3: Pooping
Steve said from the J.Bean days that he wanted to do cloth diapers. I was willing to go along with it as an environmental gesture but was adamant that if it "didn't work" we would switch to disposables. So we gathered info and supplies and waited to work out a plan of attack until D Day.
When D (elivery) Day arrived we headed to the hospital armed with cloth diapers, vinyl pants and safety pins. (The hospital used water proof cloth wraps over the cloth diapers and boy were they slick. They were so easy to use and you didn't need pins.) When the time came to leave I pulled out our supplies and set to work diapering her bottom. With the nurse watching me I fumbled with the diapers and the pins. (What if I stick Emma with the pin?) I realized that the diaper was huge! I mean, huge! I could have wrapped it around her three times. I didn't know what to do so I tried to roll it over on itself and pin it as tight as possible. (The nurse is still watching me. What if I pin Emma?) Then I nervously pulled up the vinyl pants with my sweaty fingers. (This is horrible. We have diapers that are too big! I must be the worst mother ever. Oh my gosh!) As you probably predicted, the vinyl pants were also huge! If Emma had 4 more legs so that 3 legs were coming out of each of the two holes they might have fit her. (Great. She is going to leak all over the place! What do we do when we get home? Why doesn't the nurse stop watching and offer to help? If she wasn't here I think I would "borrow" a cloth diaper and wrap from the drawer.) The only saving grace was that her adorable little outfit completely hid the disaster underneath. I am sure that the nurse had a good story to tell later! (I can't believe she stood there watching me!)
We realized pretty quickly that there had to be smaller alternatives. A great local store had newborn size cloth diapers so we grabbed a stack of those. The newborn size vinyl pants were more difficult to attain. 0-3 months was just not small enough apparently, and the stores were all temporarily out of the newborn size. During all of this I found a pattern in my basement craft area for diaper covers like the hospital used, and we talked to Steve's mom about making us some. She was eager to help and began making awesome, unique diaper wraps in a variety of sizes. They have been a godsend! They are so easy to use and clean, and like I said, they are like nothing you will see anywhere else. Plus, they completely eliminated the need for safety pins. Thank goodness!
My frantic fears at the hospital came true one bleak day when Emma was very young- I stuck her with a pin! It was the most horrible day ever. Not only did I stick her, the pin actually went in and out under the top layer of skin on her left side; she was literally pinned. Of course she started screaming, which alerted me to the situation. She was laying perpendicular to me so her left side was facing away from me, and I am not tall enough to have a clear vantage point across the top of the dresser. I know I promptly removed the pin, but I don't know if I put her diaper on her the rest of the way before scooping her up and sobbing right along with her. "Mama.... is.... so.... sorry!" I kept whispering through my sobs. I was so distraught I needed to share my pain and have someone tell me that I was not the worst mother in the history of the world. I called Steve at work and was barely able to relate the story before breaking down completely. Emma was still crying in my arms, too. Poor guy! He did a great job of soothing me. It didn't take too long for Emma to quiet down, and there are no visible scars that we can see. From what everyone tells us babies don't remember these early moments, and it is no wonder why not!
Even though cloth diapers make the laundry list never ending and changing poopy diapers are no fun at all, cloth diapers have "worked" for us. I certainly feel better about our environmental impact, and we have saved a lot of money, especially since Steve's parents have taken control of the wraps. However, that is not to say that we don't use disposable diapers. Traveling with disposable diapers is a must, and for her young age she has done a decent amount of traveling, which includes visiting family and friends a couple of hours away. Plus, Emma's sensitive skin warranted the use of disposables off and on to combat serious diaper rash. And now that a triple layer of cloth diapers is not thick enough for sleeping at night, we use overnight disposables. Can you imagine waking up with your pants and sheets all soaked through? Not good.
Theme 4: Playing
Of course I am not going to tell you that it was all fun and games. For those of you who read through the other themes (way to go, BTW) you hopefully decided this for yourselves already.
From the beginning we always read to her so if nothing else there was a lot of story time. There still is a lot of story time; the girl loves books and reading. The real fun and games did not begin until Emma started crawling, walking and getting into everything! She was walking right before she turned one so our California trip was extra fun. The trip to the beach is a highlight (photo above).
Emma is super curious and loves to explore. Nothing is off-limits in her eyes. There is no chair too high to try climbing on. No corner too dark to explore. No button too small to push. I feel like I am constantly diffusing situations from "no-no" to clapping my hands in praise. It is exhausting!
The first time Emma shook a rattle we video taped the moment. She was so much more than just a little sleeping-crying-pooping-smiling lump! As for games, Emma first grasped the concept of "where is thumbkin" and "so big." From there she has advanced to "ring around the rosies" and imitating my facial expressions.
Her favorite toy of all is Sleepy-time Joe. Steve named him when Emma was very little. He is a toy that Aunt Jan sent Emma for her first Christmas. He has a sleepy side and a sunny, awake side (Sunny Sam); the point is that children are supposed to see each side for the corresponding parts of the day. Once Emma got the hang of napping, though, Sunny Sam went away into deep hibernation. She always sleeps with Sleepy-time Joe, and we are careful not to leave him at home when we travel. She clearly loves him while chewing on the tassels on his hat, hugging him, covering her face with him and sleeping on him. He is the first thing she grabs when she wakes up. (Granted there are not any other toys in her crib.) A close second is this large stuffed Snoopy doll that Nanie and Papa found for us before J.Bean even came around. (They were very hopeful grandparents-in-waiting!) Apparently I used to drag around a similar animal when I was little so we had to have one. Emma carries Snoopy around with her and bestows the same loving attention on him as she does on Sleepy-time Joe.
Emma had had plenty of opportunities for playing in new places. We took her to House on the Rock (a Wisconsin tourist site) when she was very little. She went with us to watch her Aunt Karen Anna play lacrosse in Pennsylvania when she was 6 months old. She has stayed the night multiple times at her great grandma's house in IL as well as at her godmother's house on New Years Eve. For her one year birthday we flew to California for a wedding and for many birthday celebrations. Most recently we went to Portland, Oregon to visit a friend. And that is only the beginning! Another wedding will take us back to the east coast in March, and then who knows where else we'll be going.
Final thoughts: When you put all of these themes together it is easy to see that there were good times and rough times. The point is, though, that after all the downs, there were ups. In the midst of the sleepless nights and days and the frustrations and fears of parenting a baby there was (is) immeasurable joy and abounding love.
so ends Emma's first year and then some.
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